Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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