Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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