she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
