we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
