I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
