that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
