Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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