i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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