She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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