Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
