i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
