First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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