He asked me if I "almost moaned"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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