im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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