It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
