I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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