i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm like, not good at living.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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