ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
