Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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