Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
