just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
