I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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