There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
