i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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