last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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