remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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