When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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