i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
