I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
