This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
