good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
