Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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