Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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