i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
