Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need moral support for this bender
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
