someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
