I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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