the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
