she kept yelling 'call me bella'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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