dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She even gives head with a lisp.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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