piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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