Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
