Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
