a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
