Got a toothbrush?
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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