What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
