My cat gives me a boner
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
