Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
