Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I use my feet as sexual weapons
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
