On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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