3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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