weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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