Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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