whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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