She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
