I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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