I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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