Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
